The 10 Phases of Exchange: What Social Media Does Not Reveal

I used to think that people who go on exchange are constantly super happy because of their fun Instagram pictures. This is not anyone’s fault, because social media is where most people share highlight reels (same for me). While this is not going to be the same for everyone, I would like to share about the ups and downs of exchange. Here we go!

1. Pre-Exchange Anxiety

“What do I pack!!” We also get busy photocopying documents, doing a ton of admin, and packing other miscellaneous items (electric kettle from mum?). The final few days would also be spent with close friends and loved ones, and maybe you would be sad to leave them for 4-6 months. Then we start thinking about safety, whether we will have friends (if you are travelling alone). I really wondered if I will be able to be independent, and whether I will enjoy exchange as much as I expected. Too many thoughts and questions at this point – excitement in the form of jitters.

Wandering Long Beach within the first few weeks of exchange

2. Wide-Eyed Excitement

We are excited about everything – campus, the people, the school life, the supermarket, etc. For someone who has never lived apart from their parents, this would be a life-changing experience. This is what it feels like to be at the greener grass on the other side. I started looking up Facebook groups, asking friends who have been to the same school, and writing a list of places I wanted to go while on exchange.

3. All Out Exploration

Then we head out to the nearest spots around school and hangout with as many people as possible. You could choose between church groups, school activities, weekend trips, parties, etc. It really depends on your personality. However, we ask ourselves, “Should i be studying? What do i really like to do? Should I YOLO?” Every time there’s a new experience you feel euphoric. I even wrote a blog post about how to make the most of exchange.

One of the exchange school's hiking trips that I participated in for fun

4. Growth In Independence

Independence could happen in many forms and we often have to make independent decisions. Do we go to something even if we don’t know anyone there? Should I go solo traveling? Personally I felt that independence was about deciding to just be myself. If I want something I should go get it instead of waiting for other people to make things happen. Sometimes I had to reach out to people I don’t know to share my trip ideas and ask them if they wanted to travel with me. I discovered a lot about myself through this process. I believe each individual will have a unique experience of becoming more independent.

5. Loneliness And Longing

A while has passed, and socialisation is tough for introverts (majority of us). In terms of traveling, you have to take a leap of faith to decide who to travel with, even without knowing if they are fun or nice people. It could also be hard to truly integrate into local friend groups, and among exchange students, it seems like cliques have formed. Everyone also misses home food at some point. I have daydreamed about Nasi Lemak (Singapore local cuisine) countless times. Even if you do not miss home yet, you might miss the familiarity of home.

6. Problems Don’t Disappear

I read an interesting article saying that traveling itself does not cure the mind, although the novel experiences delay restlessness. Over the study abroad experience, some of the novel things become a daily occurrence and your brain eventually goes back to its usual state of familiarity. If you get insecure sometimes, it does not go away even when you’re traveling. I also read through other blogs that shared this sentiment, so if you have felt this way, you are not alone. This is also definitely not something you would see on someone’s highlight reel.

7. Re-Evaluating Perspectives

Its the end of the honeymoon phase and the city is not as bright and shining as you initially thought it was. There are also some less pleasant societal things that social media and travel guides do not show you. Every city/country has its pros and cons. For example, Singapore is boring but it is super safe. We also re-evaluate what we enjoy best and value. Are you most satisfied to have learnt more about the local lifestyle, or to have ticked something off your bucket list? Perhaps we re-evaluate our priorities in life, realizing that there is more to it than getting good grades and earning a lot of money.

My first camping experience with these lovely friends who are fellow exchange students

8. Cherishing Relationships

Every local that has made us feel welcome into their circle will forever be in our mind banks of pleasant memories. We suddenly appreciate and treasure our friends here so much more, because they contributed to a memorable exchange experience. I thought of the USC Women’s Ultimate team, my roommate, and my other Singaporean friends who would always include me in their plans. When alone and abroad, every inclusive act counts. This was also the time when I started to appreciate small talk no matter how trivial, because that means someone cared enough to start a conversation!

9. Nooo, It’s Ending!

Alas, its the final few weeks before the end of exchange, there’s still time to make it the best time ever. We also look back and wonder what our initial socialising anxiety was about, because we got to make some good friends here! For those who have not yet reached this stage, hang in there because you will be fine. Towards the end we start to reminisce and anticipate the end. Also it’s too bad that exchange has to end with exams, because not everyone wants to go out for trips now. Apart from the exams and the packing, I was determined to have the best week(s) ever. Just remember to live in the moment and bring on the carpe diem quotes.

Exchange school's Women's Ultimate teammates

10. Embracing The Change

This is just a less cliche way of saying that you are now a different person. Personally, I learnt confidence and had a lot of socialization practice (good for starting out in a workplace). I also have a new found passion for the outdoors and blogging. Overall, in order to deal with some loneliness and insecurity from time to time, I attended a local church and talked to loved ones. Lastly, it is great to know that there are people who love me for who I am back home, and coming back made me feel bittersweet.

After this whole experience, it is important to know that it is such a privilege to study abroad. Hopefully it comes with more highs than lows, and supplies your university life and social media with memories to last a lifetime. May the difficult times be learning opportunities that give you something to laugh about in the future. I hope this post has been relatable in some way or has given you an inside peek into my exchange reflections. Please share this post if you know of someone who might be able to relate!